Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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