Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
