Semen is not good for contacts.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize