Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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