Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
