I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
only if we run a train.
done.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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