I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
