So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
