You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
