I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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