So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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