i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
