note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
