Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
