It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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