its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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