I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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