No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
