I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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