She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Randomize