I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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