It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
