She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
being pregnant is like rehab
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
