You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
