How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
