Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
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Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
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Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize