Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize