You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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