I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
