Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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