i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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