I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
