Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
