So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Blood and glitter go together right?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
