Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
