If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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