I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i think i have herpe
just one?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
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mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
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Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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