We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
