there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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