i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
