mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it's like iHOP with fire
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
