i can't believe i had my finger in that
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
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