So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
