my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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