So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
