i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
