It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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