i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
