Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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