so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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