i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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