oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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