and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
