And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize