She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
