you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
