I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
