Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Bring me that man meat
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
