i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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