i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.