she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING