I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
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he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
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I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...