if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
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I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
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He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr