I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?