so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just threw up on my dentist
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level