good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
