My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
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I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
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I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.