I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina