Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately