Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious